Yes, I'm back after a month-long hiatus form blogging.
No, it's not because I'm so free to be blogging now.
In fact, time is ticking every second.
Assignments, projects, tests and exams are flooding their way through my October and November.
But, why am I blogging?
I feel miserable and painful inside.
It hurts so badly.
Few months ago, I dreamt of pursuing my dream course.
But I ended up somewhere that I never liked.
Never.
Even after months of trying, I still couldn't let it go.
Why am I so selfish?
I know my family couldn't afford it, but why is my heart just saying not to let it go?
I HATE MYSELF.
Why did I even mention it to my parents, knowing that it would make them equally unhappy and a huge headache?
Why cynnie why?
How can you be so selfish..?
I don't want anyone to give up things for me.
Not anyone, not to even mention my parents.
People's happiness > my happiness.
Yes, it should be that way so I will feel at ease.
Why is all these making me so miserable?
It so painful inside, but I could never say it out.
I don't want to make my parents upset or worry about me.
When they asked if I was going mad, inside me, I felt like I was on the verge of it.
I'm like a dove stuck in a cage.
Waiting to be freed from all these someday.
But I know, I'm never getting out of there.
I usually hate polluting my blog with negative vibes.
My apologies, but I felt that I had to let it out somewhere.
Thank you my readers, a joyful me will be back someday.
love,
cynnie.
