You guys might want to skip this post if you want to.
I am not posting this because I want everyone / anyone to
understand / tolerate / get angsty at me.
I am posting this because I need to talk to myself.
I really apologize to my family, especially my parents, that I've been rude or nasty to them lately.
I don't get what's going on with me.
I just felt like...I'm not myself ever since I came back.
Is stress the main cause of it?
I would much agree with myself that yes it is.
3 months without worries in Orlando was like a breeze.
But when I got back, I had to handle like my project and work, time is like never enough.
And everyday, day and night, i worry for my project completion because I really want to do well with my group members and to do well for my lecturer.
Eventually, getting a good grade to do my parents proud.
but it seems too overwhelming for me to handle.
At least for now.
I feel so suffocated, or rather my brain is like jammed.
Am I trying to adapt back to my normal lifestyle too quickly?
Perhaps.
My parents, my family, they are the biggest gem in my life.
All I want to do is to just hug them and say I love them.
but my body always ended being so effed up, making me reply them in a rude and unmannered tone.
I hate this side of me.
Like really, what's going on?
I know what I'm thinking, but my body doesn't seem to listen.
My mum got worried, why i wasn't smiling as brightly as usual.
I don't want this to happen.
I want my parents to see their daughter smiling happily, so that they are happy too.
That's my responsibility.
And here, I declare a message to myself:
no matter what i do, remember how my parents painstakingly brought me up.
How much they worry about our growth, our health, and how happy we are.
We should never forget that, and if I do, I will be a jerk.
Before i end this post, i want to tell my dad and mum,
I'm sorry for all these days that you all have to endure.
I do hope that when November comes and when everything is over, i will be better than before.
But as of now, I will try to be like how i used to be.
Your bubbly daughter that you've been yearning for to be back.
That's the best I can do.
And the best that I want to do,
is to see you guys smile as brightly as before.
cynnieco.