Hitting the lowest peak in life.

You guys might want to skip this post if you want to.

I am not posting this because I want everyone / anyone to 

understand / tolerate / get angsty at me.

I am posting this because I need to talk to myself.

I really apologize to my family, especially my parents, that I've been rude or nasty to them lately.

I don't get what's going on with me.

I just felt like...I'm not myself ever since I came back.

Is stress the main cause of it?

I would much agree with myself that yes it is.

3 months without worries in Orlando was like a breeze.

But when I got back, I had to handle like my project and work, time is like never enough.

And everyday, day and night, i worry for my project completion because I really want to do well with my group members and to do well for my lecturer.

Eventually, getting a good grade to do my parents proud.

but it seems too overwhelming for me to handle.

At least for now.

I feel so suffocated, or rather my brain is like jammed.

Am I trying to adapt back to my normal lifestyle too quickly?

Perhaps.

My parents, my family, they are the biggest gem in my life.

All I want to do is to just hug them and say I love them.

but my body always ended being so effed up, making me reply them in a rude and unmannered tone.

I hate this side of me.

Like really, what's going on?

I know what I'm thinking, but my body doesn't seem to listen.

My mum got worried, why i wasn't smiling as brightly as usual.

I don't want this to happen.

I want my parents to see their daughter smiling happily, so that they are happy too.

That's my responsibility.

And here, I declare a message to myself:

no matter what i do, remember how my parents painstakingly brought me up.

How much they worry about our growth, our health, and how happy we are.

We should never forget that, and if I do, I will be a jerk.

Before i end this post, i want to tell my dad and mum,

I'm sorry for all these days that you all have to endure.

I do hope that when November comes and when everything is over, i will be better than before.

But as of now, I will try to be like how i used to be.

Your bubbly daughter that you've been yearning for to be back.

That's the best I can do.

And the best that I want to do,

is to see you guys smile as brightly as before.

cynnieco.